Taylors Wedgie Tales Knockaround Guys
by rachel121
Summary: What does Taylor hate more than anything?


Title: Taylor's Tighty-Whities - or the Wedgie Tales (1/1)  
  
Rating : R for language  
  
Category: General Humour  
  
Summary: Ever wonder about the state of Taylor's underwear? I did!  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Taylor, Mattie, Marbles, Scarpa, or Benny Chains. I just like to play with them (in their underwear)  
  
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There was nothing Taylor Reese hated more than... a wedgie. It was one of the reasons he always went commando. Turns out special occasions required some sort of under short. Much to his chagrin, when he was sent upstairs to find 'something' to war under the monkey suit, all he could find in his childhood bedroom was a red satin thong. It had been a gag gift from his high school girlfriend.) He could only remember wearing the thing once, and that lasted less than a minute before it was ripped off along with her clothes. Taylor smiled at the memory, then looked down at the scrap of material in his hand. There had to be something else in here. In the back of the drawer filled with mismatched socks and worn wife beaters, there was a pair of jockey shorts. Geez, how old were those? Looked kinda small too. Well, better than the thong, and his mother couldn't complain that he was indecent. Cripes, good thing he would be standing most of the time, damn things could cut off his circulation! Not to mention crushin his boys! How the hell was he supposed to wear this? After a little finagling, he got himself adjusted in the 3 sizes too small jockeys, bringing whole new meaning to the term tighty whities!  
  
Taylor managed to get himself dressed again. After tucking in his shirt and messing with the cumberbund again, he stopped in the bathroom to catch a look in the mirror. Damn, they may be uncomfortable, but they sure lifted his bum nice and high! He headed downstairs, happy to be able to please his mother, and look hot at the same time.  
  
When he hit the first stair he realized he would have a problem. He stepped down with his right leg, and felt the seam of the underwear move. As he stepped with his left foot, the seam on his right cheek stayed in position instead of sliding back down his bum. The seam on the left cheek moved closer to the crack of his bum too. He took a half a dozen steps before stopping to pull the bunched underwear out of his bum. Dammit!  
  
Carefully he made his way down to the bottom of the stairs. He checked to see if anyone was looking and quickly pulled the underwear out of his bum again. At this rate, he might as well have worn the thong.  
  
'If I walk slowly and carefully, I can do this without having my hand up my bum the entire time. Then as soon as the ceremony is over, I am ditching these, no way am I going through the entire reception pickin' my butt'.  
  
He moved into the kitchen where his mother was putting the finishing touches on the corsages that Taylor and the rest of the bridal party were expected to wear. She reached up and pinned the carnation to his lapel, gave him a quick hug and reached down to pat his bum.  
  
"Mama! What the h...?" One look from his mother cut that outburst of indignation short.  
  
"Just checking" and she turned to pin a flower on his father. First he had to wear underwear, and it crawls, and now this!? This day was not turning out the way he had planned.  
  
Fortunately they were about to leave for the church., (L) lets get this show on the road! Unfortunately, the act of sliding into the drivers seat caused both seams to move to the place they found most comfortable, and Taylor found most uncomfortable. Not only that, but sitting was putting a serious strain on the waistband. Taylor, whose body had been rock hard for years, could actually feel a roll above the elastic waist of the ginch.  
  
He was still muttering to himself when Mattie slid into the passenger seat.  
  
"Something wrong man?"  
  
Taylor looked up and thought, no way was he gonna TELL anyone about this!  
  
"Nah man, just nerves I guess" Mattie chuckled at that, then became quiet. Too quiet.  
  
"How about you? You ok?" Taylor was glad to focus on something other than his underwear, and the lack of feeling in his thighs.  
  
"I know this is the way things are supposed to be, and the alliance will be good for the family..." Mattie trailed off.  
  
Taylor had heard it before, and still didn't have any answers that made any sense. So he simply put his hand on his friends shoulder and pulled into the reserved parking spot near the church.  
  
He climbed out of the van and tried to inconspicuously tug the underwear from where they had bunched into, but as he turned around, he saw his father's car roll up. Screw it, he would just have to do it again once they got up the stone steps of the church.  
  
He could feel the underwear pull with each step, rubbing against the tender skin of his bum not to mention the grinding sensation against his rectum. They entered the foyer and immediately encountered a huge group of relatives, all of whom wanted to kiss and hug the groom and the best man. All Taylor wanted was to find the head. After several minutes of well wishers, he could swear that several of the younger females got in an bum- grab, Taylor excused himself and headed for the bathroom.  
  
Once there he dropped his pants and almost ripped the damn things off, but knew that his mother would have serious words with him if he did. So, he pulled them halfway down his thighs, and sat down on the ceramic seat. He was examining them, trying to figure out a way to McGuyver them so they wouldn't be such a literal pain in the bum.  
  
He had forgotten to lock the door, and Marbles walked in. "Hey sorry man, didn't know it was occupied. Hey, are you actually wearing underwear? This must be a special day for you!" With that Marbles pulled his head back and closed the door. Just as it was latching, he could hear Marbles calling to Scarpa. "Yo, you won't believe this, but Taylors not goin' commando today!"  
  
"No Kidding! Must be a special day!" Scarpa replied. Taylor could hear people start laughing, and suddenly was mortified to walk out the bathroom door. This day could not get any worse, he decided! He pulled up the jockey's, adjusted as best he could and finished dressing. As he walked out the door, he found Marbles and Scarpa near the entrance.  
  
"You think you are too big and too old for me to put you over my knee, boys?" With that Taylor turned to find Mattie.  
  
They were ushered into a quiet room off the chapel, to wait until everyone was seated. Mattie sat down and indicated that Taylor should do the same, but so far the seams of his underwear were staying exactly where he wanted them, so he wasn't going to mess with it now.  
  
After several long minutes, Father Ignacio came for them, and all was well as they made their way into the massive chapel. Then they had to climb the steps to wait for the rest of the bridal party to come waltzing down the aisle. Damn underwear! With the first step, the first seam had tugged up his cheek, and with every subsequent step the seams made it closer to their goal of nestling in between his bum cheeks. He tried clenching his cheeks together to halt the progress of the cloth, but the moment he released, they would slide right into place.  
  
Catholic ceremonies tended to be long winded, and this one promised to be at least two hours. Two whole hours, standing in front of more than 700 people, with a wedgie, completely unable to adjust it. The stuff he put up with for other people. Oh hell.  
  
He looked at Mattie, who had been stone-faced since he got in Taylor's van. Then he checked the breast pocket of his tuxedo jacket for the ring Mattie would be placing on his bride's finger in the next two hours. Feeling the simple white-gold band, he smiled at Mattie, who attempted to smile back. The music started and they both turned to watch the flower girls make their way down the aisle, tossing rose petals in their wake.  
  
As he turned his body, the offending piece of underwear gave a particularly tight squeeze that he could feel in his balls and up his butt crack. There was nothing Taylor Reese hated more than... a wedgie 


End file.
